Magic Mushroom Smoothie Recipes That Don’t Taste Like Dirt (Seriously)

ByDerek

Let’s be real: eating raw magic mushrooms is like chewing on a lawn clippings salad. Why suffer through that earthy garbage when you can blend those bad boys into a smoothie that slaps? At The Microdose Club, we’re here to save your taste buds and your dignity. Below, we’re dropping 4 smoothie recipes that’ll mask the flavor of shrooms so well, you’ll forget they’re in there.

Why Smoothies Are the Ultimate Mushroom Hack

Look, nobody’s here for a culinary lecture. But if you’re gonna choke down mushrooms, do it right. Smoothies are the GOAT because:

  1. Flavor camouflage: Tropical fruit > dirt taste. Basic math.
  2. Easy AF: Toss your ingredients in a blender. Hit a button. Done.
  3. Dose control: No guessing how much you’re actually consuming.

Plus, you get to pretend you’re a wellness influencer. Win-win.

The OG Mushroom Smoothie (For People Who Hate Mushrooms)

This is your blueprint. Master this, and you’ll never dry-swallow a shroom again.

Ingredients:

  • 1-2g dried magic mushrooms (grind into dust—coffee grinder works)
  • 1 frozen banana (the creamier, the better)
  • 1 cup frozen mango (sweetness is key)
  • ½ cup coconut water (or OJ for extra tang)
  • 1 tbsp chia seeds (optional, but makes you look fancy)
  • Ice (if you’re into texture)

Instructions:

  1. Nuke the mushrooms into powder.
  2. Dump everything into a blender.
  3. Blend until it looks like a $12 juice bar smoothie.
  4. Chug.

Pro tip: Add a squeeze of lime.

4 Next-Level Recipes (Because Basic is Boring)

1. Peanut Butter Bliss Shroom Shake

For when you want dessert, not a trip:

  • 1g mushrooms (powdered)
  • 1 frozen banana
  • 2 tbsp peanut butter (go crunchy for chaos)
  • ½ cup almond milk
  • 1 tbsp cocoa powder
  • 1 tsp honey (or maple syrup for vegans)

Blend. Taste. Question why you ever ate shrooms raw.

2. Green Goddess Detox

For hippies who want to “feel the vibes”:

  • 1-2g mushrooms
  • 1 cup spinach (you won’t taste it, promise)
  • ½ avocado (creamy hack)
  • 1 green apple (cored, unless you like seeds)
  • ½ cup pineapple juice
  • Handful of ice

Blend. Pretend it’s health food. Feel superior.

3. Berry Bomb Brain Fuel

For microdosers who adult:

  • 0.5g mushrooms (grind finely—no one wants chunks)
  • 1 cup mixed frozen berries
  • ½ cup Greek yogurt (protein, baby!)
  • ½ cup oat milk
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract

Blend. Drink before your 9 a.m. meeting. Become the office wizard.

4. Tropical Time-Warp Smoothie

For when you want to pretend you’re in Bali:

  • 2g mushrooms
  • ½ cup frozen pineapple
  • ½ cup frozen mango
  • ½ cup coconut milk (canned for extra thicc)
  • Splash of lime juice
  • 1 tsp ginger (fresh, unless you’re lazy)

Blend. Sip slowly. Forget it’s Tuesday.

Dosing Like a Pro

  • Newbies: Start with 0.5g-1g. This isn’t a frat party.
  • Veterans: 2g-3.5g if you’re chasing dragons.
  • Microdosers: 0.1g-0.3g. Keep your job.

These doses are estimates! All bodies react differently. Speak to a professional before consuming.

Golden rule: You can always take more. You can’t un-take it.

When Will It Hit? (And How Long Will You Be Weird?)

  • Kick-in time: 30-60 minutes. Perfect for pre-gaming a hike or doom-scrolling TikTok.
  • Peak vibes: Hour 2-3. Colors get spicy. Music slaps harder.
  • Total duration: 4-6 hours. Plan accordingly.

Note: Smoothies hit faster than raw shrooms. Don’t blame us if you’re crying to a cat video by minute 45.

Safety You Shouldn’t Ignore

  1. Set & Setting: At home = Safe, in Downtown Toronto = Bad idea.
  2. Hydrate: Water > regret.
  3. Trip sitter: Bring a friend who won’t film you for clout.
  4. Don’t mix: Shrooms + tequila = chaos. Just… don’t.

Post-Trip Pro Tip: Journal

After your adventure, write down:

  • What you “learned” (even if it’s that trees are alive).
  • What you’ll never do again (like smoking shrooms… cough).
  • Why smoothies are the future.

Key Takeaways

  • Smoothies = best way to eat shrooms without gagging.
  • Dose low, blend high.
  • Your future self will thank you.

Ready to Upgrade from Dirt Flavored to Delicious?
Skip the chew-and-regret method. Grab our raw mushrooms or microdose capsules (they’re grind-ready) and whip up a smoothie that’s actually enjoyable. We ship Canada-wide, discreetly, and faster than your Uber Eats.

Similar Posts